The next time I am engaged full-time in field work, I should keep a blog called "The Open Field" in which I publish my field notes every day. When I conduct interviews, I should transcribe them immediately (or soon after) and publish them online unaltered. When I translate articles or chapters from Portuguese that are not available in English, I should publish them (with permission) in English on my blog, in whole or part. Most of the people I worked with in 2007 were active in online communities, and this would give them an opportunity to see what I'm working on as I progress, and comment on misconceptions I have or things they would like to clarify. They could post entries of their own if they felt so inclined. Moreover, it would give them more control over the outcome, as they see the way they will be portrayed as it is shaped, and shape it themselves (one of the major concerns in anthropology is who has the right to speak for whom). This would also allow other academics to use my raw data. Instead of only being seen in tightly edited articles in which the data is all carefully picked and organized to help a certain thread, all that I learn will be available, useable by other people without having to be first extracted from the theory I've embedded within it.

It would also make it accessible to non-academics. Everyone. You wouldn't need a university password to read it. You wouldn't need a PhD to post a review. And I wouldn't be writing solely for the academic world. I wouldn't be perpetuating the intellectual masturbation, the academic circle jerk, in which we influence only a small sphere and don't make it relevant to anyone else in the world. It's one of my pet peeves. Maybe this would be a way to address it, so I can stop resorting to childish name-calling that becomes more sexually graphic each time I'm annoyed.

Yesterday a professor announced to the class that the discipline needs more assholes. Another professor shouted down every individual in class who tried to make a point, so he could tell them they were wrong or to literally "Ppbth" (tongue out, raspberry-blowing) at them. And it was a discussion on whether there is a true self, not something concrete to which there is an ultimate "right" answer. I was angry. I questioned people after class about it, why no one seemed to be bothered that the professors were so rude and disrespectful. I was told, "I don't think they respect anyone. Grad students or other academics."

And that's the problem with locking yourself in the ivory tower. You end up in a perpetual fist-fight with the people who are supposed to be your colleagues. And yesterday I was so convinced that I wanted no part of their pathetic bantering that I considered dropping out. But instead I think I need to develop an alternative. Because there has got to be a better way to do research. There must be a civil way.

So just so I don't forget when I finally have the freedom to do research of my own again, I've written it here. I have felt more uninspired lately, but it's worse than that. It's the sapping of any inspiration I did have. It's a brutal way to learn, pointlessly brutal. Every day I have one foot out the door, just waiting for the final straw to tip the scales. Academia needs to change. I just hope I can make it through the first few years so at the end I can do something about it.



Also, I think I'm going to start a knitting group from my anthropology cohort. Several people have asked me to teach them. I need to make time for such things. Otherwise I'll blow a fuse too soon.

Dear Livejournal,

Given that I don't believe in god, praying is a little tricky. But be a champ and stand in for me for the role of omniscient being. Kthanks.

Please watch over my Sarah and Jill, who both just experienced some awful, stupid stuff that they shouldn't have to deal with. Please keep them safe, and make them feel better as speedily as possible. They're pretty special ladies.

And are you a goat for reals, livejournal? Because, if so, you should send them some of your delicious goat cheese. You could then say you have a one up on God, what with the ability to give presents from your body and all. Although...

Alright. Break! And eh-mayn.

- Mags

http://www.ces.uc.pt/e-cadernos/pages/pt/indice.php

YAY!! FIRST DAY OF CLASSES, AND I COME HOME TO A PUBLICATION!!!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

A lot has happened since I posted here last. I was invited to publish in a peer-reviewed journal from the University of Coimbra (Portugal). I was accepted to two graduate programs in Anthropology (PhD at CUNY & MA at the New School for Social Research).

But it's Saturday, and I don't want to talk about all that. Having all this time off has at least taught me that whatever I'm excited about is just as important as the academic stuff. And today I got up, went to the grocery and the nursery, and came back home to make Spanakopita and 8 terrariums. It was a wonderful day.




The Mason jar terrarium is now in the hands of my friend/neighbor/co-worker Amy. And the tall honey jar terrarium with the small horse (see it?) will soon be in the hands of an fellow appreciator of tiny things, my friend/co-worker Emily. It's her second present this month, the first being this pair of gloves. I designed them to look like a buck looking down at a little fawn.




And being the braggart that I am, here's a picture of the wallet and mug cozy I made for myself, though the cozy now has the beginnings of embroidered faux bois on it now.




I just finished this sock! It's actually Scottish Kilt Hose, but I'm not Scottish, nor in the habit of wearing kilts.



I guess I'm going to begin the second sock and finish watching Heidi.

Yes. Heidi.

Some background:

- The beginning of the current trade policy in the U.S. came out of WWII.

- The U.S. funded the Japanese rebuilding of their textile industry, with the hopes of making them financially stable allies, and to deter them from looking to communist China (red scare) for aid (and political influence).

- U.S. cotton was sold cheaper to Japan (and eventually Taiwan, Hong Kong, and other East Asian countries) than to U.S. manufacturers, making it cheaper for East Asian companies to produce textiles and clothing.

- Japanese businessmen specifically sold textile products to U.S. markets for less than their cost of production in order to compete with and weaken U.S. manufacturers.

- Meanwhile, American textile workers unionized and demanded higher pay, textile factories moved to the American South in search of cheaper labor, and many closed due to fierce Asian competition.

- Protectionists wanted to limit Asian imports to protect U.S. industries, but failed to keep up with industrial changes that made producing textiles faster, with less manpower, and using cheaper materials (ie manmade/synthetic) than cotton.

- (This last bit was in the seventies, which explains the rampant abuse of polyester in high and common fashion throughout that decade.)

- Entering the eighties, U.S. manufacturers opted to relocate out of the U.S. where they could employ cheaper labor, rather than meeting union demands and having to fold.

- The U.S. government fiercely supports free trade, the importation of low-wage derived products fills U.S. markets (goodbye Made In The USA tags), and job displacement from American industry goes... where?




So why are we in a recession? It’s funny because (unless I am mistaken) high tariffs and severe restrictions on imports were partly to blame for the Great Depression in the 1930’s (markets stagnated). So to prevent another Great Depression, the U.S. ran to the opposite extreme and opened up our markets completely, thus selling out most of American industry and laying off countless American citizens.

And we haven’t even discussed the sweatshop results of this trade evolution on the people that replaced the U.S. workforce.

I wonder—the argument against protectionism is that it’s bad for all markets, and it hides the inefficiencies of U.S. manufacturers. I can see that. How much money did the U.S. government (and thus you and I) just give to the American Auto Industry in order to keep them afloat. So they can keep producing gas-guzzling SUVs that Americans can’t afford to fuel? It’s partly the ingenuity of foreign (mainly Japanese) manufacturers that has made foreign cars so popular, right? Obviously I don’t think that Americans should buy American-made cars that are inefficient and impractical, in order to support an American industry that is only evolving to make better cars because the government is making them. I can absolutely appreciate why a consumer would opt for a Japanese hybrid instead of a GMC pickup. But I do think the textile industry is unique and should be considered independently, in some ways, from high-tech industries.

And to consider fair trade vs, free trade, I have to think of the success of fair trade coffee in liberal college towns. And that extends, to some degree, to other foodstuffs in areas such as this (in the 5-College area of the Pioneer Valley). It’s odd that the consumers in this area strongly support fair and ethical trade practices as it relates to their literal consumption, but not in their consumption of non-ingestible products and services. And clothing is one of the best examples of this. In order to buy clothing with the guarantee that it has not been made in sweatshop conditions, I could go to Northampton and buy any number of hideous, shapeless, and poorly fitting pieces of clothing for an exorbitant price. OR I could go to Target and buy any number of attractive, stylish, well-fitting pieces of clothing for next to nothing (in the context of the average salary of most people in this area) and be nearly certain that they were all the product of wage slavery. I know why people would buy cheaper clothing, and it’s partly because it’s so easy to be uninformed about where the clothing comes from and what kinds of human rights abuses went into their manufacturing—in fact, it’s really, really hard to BE informed about it because that information is often just not out there for the average consumer. They certainly don’t put such a qualifier on the clothing tags, though it would definitely make my life easier (If tags bore “Made in Taiwan in a Sweatshop” or “Made in Indonesia in Fair Working Conditions” I think more Americans would buy ethically made clothing.

The internet makes this easier. You can buy really cute, well-made clothing from a number of places that boast about how they are Made in the USA or use fairly traded textiles.

But the alternative is to do what I do, which is to drive myself and everyone else around me crazy by refusing to buy anything made in China (unless of course there are absolutely zero of such and such a product made in a country that I’m convinced might have good working conditions—this is a frighteningly frequent occurrence) or any other country non-U.S. or non-E.U. country (usually France, and usually cookery) unless it bears a guarantee of fair pay policies; or I know from scouring the internet that the company has a good reputation for fair pay (which isn’t necessarily “fair trade”, as I don’t believe it needs to be “fair trade” stamped in order to be fair.) But at the end of the day, though I wish more privileged people who have the option to buy ethically would, I understand that it isn’t possible for everyone. Clothing is expensive, and if people are paid fairly for making it, it will cost the consumer a lot.

My gut instinct is to say that this is not the government’s job, it’s the consumer’s job. Because though the government created an economic environment that allowed and then necessitated low-wage labor, it only succeeded because consumers made the choice to consume cheaper products of uncertain origin rather than support local businesses (and I suppose here “local” could mean “national”). People are always strapped for cash in our economy. I get it. But most people can afford to buy more expensive fair clothing in smaller quantities. They decide not to, or don’t know (or agree) that they should. And often the stuff people do buy is as expensive as fair products anyways, and the excess money NOT going to the workers just goes to the business heads! So I don’t know what to think.

I understand that it's complicated. But it’s still not right. So what’s the solution?

Anyone have any thoughts on this long (and possibly incoherent) tangent?

Still no news from graduate schools. In the meantime, sewing. Just to shake up all the knitting.










The dress is from a modified shirt pattern from "Sew U", and the belt was just something I threw together. Metal snaps, per usual. Hammering is the best way to keep clothing together. I kept seeing dresses like this around, but didn't want to spend the $40 to support sweatshop labor. Have I talked about that here? I'm pretty serious about it.

This flannel is soft and warm and completely wonderful.

The pattern is "Oblique" by Veronik Avery, published in Knitty online magazine Fall 2007. I used undyed Cascade Ecological Yarn and some metal buttons made in the USA-- So apparently there is some industry left in this country! At least they make lovely little buttons and not missiles, right? Mer.






These days I'm just waiting to hear from graduate schools and working at the bookstore. I'm feeling pretty good about it all. Tonight Brad and I are going out to a fancy dinner to celebrate nothing much. It feels easier than it ever has to not know about the future. I'm comfortable and I'm happy.

(I think the secret is that happiness isn't very exciting.)

So just to update anyone who reads this, I've had a pretty rocky entry into the New Year.

I was in the hospital Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday where I was diagnosed with 20+ stomach ulcers. I've never been in so much pain in my entire life. It'll take a few months to clear up with medications, and then I should be all fun and ulcer-free again. It's unusual for someone my age to get ulcers, but it runs in my mom's Portuguese side of the family. She had them at 24, her father had them at 23 and had to get parts of his stomach removed (thank god for modern medicine, eh?), and my great-grandfather had parts of his stomach removed, and, y'know, committedsuicidebecauseofthepain.

SO! I'm fine. But I'm out of commission for a little while. I'll be going back to work maybe late this week, or maybe next week, but I'm cutting down to 30 hours until I'm feeling better. I've been bumming around my parent's house all week, but I'm heading back to Amherst today.

Nothing like being bed-ridden on narcotics to ring in the New Year.

In other news, before this nonsense went down, Briana and I exchanged presents:


The pillowcase she made for me!


The papercut I made for her!

Have a good New Year, kiddies.

On Saturday, Brad and I left the house by 6 am to drive on Rt 2 to Burlington, MA so he could take his GREs. I drove, so he could have a clear, stress-free head for testing. We knew Rt 202 was closed off due to the storm, but we didn't see much evidence of ice near our house, so we didn't expect much as we drove through the hilltowns on detour towards the main road. 20 minutes into Rt 2, all we could see was walls of bent branches, completed encapsulated by ice. They looked crystallized. Brad said, "They're bowing to you." Everything was white and cold. It was unbelievable, and I don't think I can adequately explain. It was otherworldly. The trees looked like enormous snowflakes that had plunged to earth, the branches crystalline and brittle. For a long time, we couldn't see anything but road and sky and ice.

Speaking of the GREs, when I submitted my application to Brown University last week, I decided to take advantage of the space they leave for any other information the applicant might need to cover anything that didn't fit in the other areas of the application. I wrote:

It is my firm belief that the Graduate Record Examination (GRE) is not an adequate or
appropriate measure of my ability to perform in Graduate School for Anthropology. The
Quantitative and Qualitative sections intended to rate my ability to solve mathematical
equations and my knowledge of random vocabulary devoid of a real contextual base could not
possibly tell you how I think or what I know. As for Analytical Thinking, I feel
passionately about thinking critically on matters that are relevant to my life, research,
and communities, and I certainly do not feel that writing an essay on whether or not
streetlights are important to society will properly gauge how I will perform in your
department. This said, please understand that inaction to improve my scores after my
first unstudied attempt does not mean that I do not take graduate study and the relevant
examinations it entails seriously. I do. I just don't consider the GREs relevant. I
hope you will take this into consideration when reviewing my application.

I hope they don't disqualify me for sass.

Brad and I went to New York last Tuesday to visit graduate schools. The day was a fucking mess. We got there late because we missed an exit in New Haven (driving-- CT highways are fucking nonsense) and had to take a later train. Then we had to walk all the way from one side of Harlem to the top of Morningside, which is up a small mountain. We were both sweaty and disgusting when we got to Brad's first meeting at Columbia. Then we had most of the day to kill until my first meeting, so we walked through Central Park, which was nice. We got to where my first meeting was scheduled and hour early. 15 minutes before I was supposed to meet with my first contact, I went to her office and asked if she was there.

"She's not here on Tuesdays. She's in her other office, off of 5th avenue. Do you need her other phone number?"

SHE DID NOT MENTION SHE HAD TWO OFFICES IN TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PLACES AND TWO PHONE NUMBERS!! How does one not think to tell someone that. What the fuck. So I went to the building that she was supposed to be in and the man at the desk says,

"Hey, wait, this building was condemned, so The New School moved to another building."

WHAT? WHATWHATWHAT??!

So I went to that building, another 5 minute walk (already late), and when I went inside the man said,

"Sorry, you can't use this entrance. The floors that The New School uses are on a different entrance around the block."

WHAT THE FUCK NEW YORK??

So I finally get there, and I have to take an elevator to the ninth floor, because it doesn't stop at the eighth floor, and then walk down a flight of stairs to the right place. And the woman, who is very sweet and very busy, pretty much tells me that I shouldn't bother applying to the department. She was sweet, yes, she had a very pleasant voice, but the words she put together and directed at me became thinly veiled condescension. When discussing my previous research and how I still had a lot of data from my field study that I could use for further research, she said,

"Data? What do you mean data?"

Come ON, you know what the fucking word means. Information. Field notes. But hey, you only have 15 minutes in your busy schedule for me, so yes, why don't we discuss the semantic possibilities for one of the words I'm using instead of taking me seriously and discussing the program! GOOD IDEA!

The next meeting was much better. Except for the fact that the street I was trying to find becomes a different street name for a few blocks and then continues being the same street it was before. What the fuck is up with that? HUH, NEW YORK?? TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR YOUR NONSENSE!

I met with 3 people at NYU that were all very nice and helpful and real. It was lovely.

And then Brad was in his meeting an hour and a half later than expected so I was stranded alone in Manhattan in the dark, unable to get ahold of Brad, bored, tired, and kind of anxious. I struck our for my last meeting by going through Times Square, and it was overwhelming. I called my parents to talk to someone because I was getting more and more stressed about not being able to find Brad. My dad told me I was brave.

I got to the next graduate center, and when I went inside to clarify that it was the correct building, guess what? It wasn't. It hadn't been the CUNY Graduate Center in NINE YEARS. The real place was four blocks away. So I ran off again. I got to the right place, and went up to his office. The office number he gave me was a shut door with 6 names on a plate. None of the names were his. I asked the woman in the next room if she knew him. She hated me. She told me I was on the wrong floor. I asked if she knew him, since he gave me the room number next to her. She said,

"How am I supposed to know? This is WOMEN'S STUDIES. I already told you, Anthropology is upstairs."

So I went up, and he was nowhere to be found. I finally had Brad (he found me) decode the man's message on my machine to write down his number, and I called him. He was in the room next to the grumpy woman THE ENTIRE TIME. He asked why I didn't knock. Good grief.

He talked with me for half an hour. He was intense, and nice-- but he seemed to be in emergency mode, and the way he phrased things was like, "You have no shot, so let's figure out how to bend your research to meet more faculty members interests so we can sneak you into graduate school." It was humiliating and made me feel so shitty. I didn't show it though. I was a fucking champ. Brad tried to talk me down as I slumped with him to Grand Central Station. No one thought I was good enough for grad school, I complained. No one wanted me. No one was impressed that I did graduate work as an undergrad. No one (except for the people at NYU) had any interest in me.

And then my mom called. She said my dad had something to tell me. She put him on the phone. He said,

"I'm having a heart attack."

I cried until the train came. I cried on the train. I called my brothers and mother and grandmother. I slept a little, and I drove home while Brad slept beside me.

I spent Wednesday in the hospital with him. We played tic-tac-toe and pictionary. Then he went into surgery and my mom and I went to the mall to walk around, to get out of the hospital. He's home now. He's alright.

On Thursday I went back to work. A graduate student from the Anthro dept at UMASS came in. We sort of know each other. He offered to edit my graduate essays for me, for no real reason. I still can't believe how nice it is of him. I'm nearly done with my NYU application, I just have to edit my essay with the comments he gave me.

I want to go to Brown. It became clear to me while I was in New York. I don't want to live in New York. I don't want to be too busy for everyone. I don't want to think other people aren't important enough for my time. There was an attitude there that I don't want to influence me, to mold me. If I don't get into Brown, my next choice in NYU because it was the best place I visited in the city. It has the most appealing program for me, the most interesting opportunities. So it's my second choice.

I am very biased against the other two. I'm applying anyway because it helps my chances of getting in anywhere, but I'm not hopeful or excited about them. And the CUNY application program is a fucking dinosaur that doesn't know how to let you attach documents. What the fuck, CUNY? If you want the title of "Prestigious Research Institution" then put your big girl panties on and spring for a real application program like EMBARK. Don't let the computer science undergraduate doing a free internship design one of your most important computer programs. Also, I hate you.

Oh, and food. Check it:






1. Sandwich bread with a poppyseed crust. Used butter instead of oil-- DELICIOUS! (The Tassajara Bread Book)
2. Sweet Onion and Olive Tart (Once Upon a Tart)
3. & 4. Delicious roasted chicken with herbs de provence and couscous with fresh vegetables made for me by my darling when I got home after being at the hospital all day. Also, delicious nutcracker tea. (no recipe, 'cause Brad's the best)
5. & 6. Orange Pistachio Muffins for breakfast this morning. This is my favourite muffin recipe ever. I make them a few times a year. They are the best. (cooksrecipes.com)

I also made a smoked mozzarella and tomato galette yesterday (also Once Upon a Tart) for Scooter's weekly potluck, but I forgot to take pictures. Oh my god, though. Seriously delicious.

And now it's time to make Honey and Wine dough for pizza tonight (www.smittenkitchen.com)

So that's about it. I'm exhausted. But brave. Seems a fair tradeoff.

Well, fuck. I suppose it's a good thing I'm getting out of the business soon. This is so upsetting.

Books are so out this season. This season being the new economy. You dig.

Briana, here's the photo you wanted. I like 'em.

The last week and a half has been a little insane. I've been looking at graduate schools and emailing professors from the graduate schools and being primarily ignored by professors at said graduate schools and feeling inadequate due to spending a year now out of school and well, you know. Crying hysterically in my closet with my mother on the phone. But I'm feeling a little better about it now. Brad and I have it mostly figured out. We'll visit NYC and Providence, RI soon, and hopefully professors were just ignoring me because the AAAs (huge annual Anthropology conference) were coming, and will respond to me now that it's over. Sweet cuppin' cakes, I need positive reinforcement, academia-style, pronto.

All I really want to do is post with pictures lately. So let's do that.









See? All I have to do now is explain the pictures and you know, in part, what I've been up to. Horrah.

1. Brad and I went to see Iron & Wine last weekend for a belated anniversary show. It had been sold out, but an acquaintance had extra tickets and sold them to us last minute on the cheap.
2. Focaccia.
3. Biscuits for breakfast Saturday morning. I do not have a biscuit cutter. Only a heart-shaped cookie cutter. I am cute by default.
4-6. On top of biscuits went delicious apple butter which took literally days to make. It was time-consuming in bursts, but most of the time was just it cooking slowly while I was at work. Brad says it tastes like apple cider in butter form. I think it tastes like this cardamom cinnamon tea we have.
7-8. Pizza hand pies for last week's potluck. They're like hot pockets, but handmade and way tastier.
9-10. The aran cardigan I'm making Brad for Christmas. It doesn't look like much still, but believe me, it's coming along faster than I expected. Cables (the twisty parts) are tricky, but surprisingly fun to make. And I designed the layout, so I'm excited to see how it turns out.
11. BOOKPLATES! These are so exciting. I ordered them from etsy. I've been wanting bookplates for a while to keep tabs on my most favourite books. I pasted them (for they are not stickers) onto my three hard-cover poetry books (cummings, eliot, and Stevens) and I am saving the rest for other books of sentimental value. Like my Alice in Wonderland, if I ever figure out where it got off to. I think I lent it to someone. Anyone know?
12. Pete & Pickles! If you knew and loved the wonderful Opus comics, now retired, you will love Breathed's newest characters. I'd been waiting for the new book since I heard an interview on NPR with Breathed, and when I finally read it, what should arrive to the bookstore but a free poster! We get free children's book posters all the time, but most of them aren't very exciting. In that, even if I like them, I couldn't put them up in my apartment. UNTIL NOW! This beauty is holding court above my dining room table and Brad scoffed, but will have to deal. Pete & Pickles stay.


Well, wasn't that fun? I have to go home today to help my mother with her honors presentation at Elms. She went back to school for her MA in Counseling Psychology a few years back, but now she's going back to school again for her BA in Nursing. Because even though she has 35 years of experience as an RN, she can't teach without a BA. Anyways, I'm helping her conduct a survey about HPV knowledge in college-age women, since the vaccine is being targeted mostly at adolescents and pre-adolescents. This means going to Elms with her this afternoon and taking care of the control group of women while she's in another class giving a presentation to the primary group.

I need tea and cereal.

I'm at work right now, and if I hadn't already received and shelved the UPS shipment, I wouldn't be writing. Additionally, I worked my 9-5 shift yesterday, and then sold books off-site at UMASS for a Margaret Atwood reading until about 7. So in addition to hopefully leaving the store early today, I am fucking around on the internets guilt-free.

Last week Brad and I celebrated our 5th anniversary. We worked and went to school, and then went to a Tapas place that serves locally grown food. It's called Tabella, and it was delicious, albeit expensive because we ordered like 5 different plates. And THEN we had maple creme brulee, which I seriously love and only get about once a year. All this was followed by 30 Rock, which is the best show ever.

Oh, yes, and then Barack Obama was elected President of These United States. That happened too this week. As Kyle put it, "Yes we is!" I hope one of the things on his agenda involves treating the GLBT community like adults and not a bunch of petulant children (Because apparently the majority of people in states like CA think they know what's best for them "No, you can't get married, now eat your peas!". Outrageous. In the bad, rage sense of the word.)

And what would my week be like these days without some craft nonsense? So here you go:









So, that would be delicious bread, The back and one side of a sweater-in-progress, and dorkiest of all, a french tea press cozy.

So, yup.